


Whipping Post

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [39]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM Scene, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, flagellation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 20:16:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11238399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: This one’s a bit dark folks. But don’t worry, the story overall won’t stay this dark. It’s only a rough patch.





	Whipping Post

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s a bit dark folks. But don’t worry, the story overall won’t stay this dark. It’s only a rough patch.

Lucifer was feeling remarkably irrational as he strode down the bunker’s hallways to his bedroom. He was clean, save for a stray spot of blood on his right cheek, and dragging an evil looking cat ‘o’ nine tails with him, the grip loose and familiar.

Mary was out with Cas and Dean, as it was one of Lucifer’s monthly visits to Hell day and he didn’t like seeing what he looked like the moment he came back from one of these. 

Especially now.

Sure, he _had_ to torture the demon- the demon had been very lax in his duties, almost causing a security breach and soul collections had dropped down drastically, He had tried every other method but torture was the only way this cocky red eyed would listen to his Sire; and so Lucifer personally handled it. 

It made him feel like shit afterwards, 

_ What if Mary knew? _

He found his mates in their room, curled up and cuddling while watching some trash TV. Giving a brisk nod, he made his way to their closet and found the toy box. His hand never left the whip. 

Gabriel and Sam watched Lucifer with a wary eye. They both knew his visits to hell were never pleasant and he always came home in a funk, but they never seen him quite like this. 

“What’s up, Luci?” Gabriel was the first to speak, patting Sam’s knee, silently telling him that he’d take the brunt of any backlash that might come.

Lucifer didn’t speak, just fished out what he needed. An O-Ring gag. Spreader bar. The magnetic cuffs. His favorite blindfold. 

_ You’ll feel better after this,  _ he reminded himself as he made his way to the pull up bar to set up. 

Sam was off the bed in a flash, crossing over and grabbing Lucifer’s wrist to keep him from attaching the cuffs to the pull up bar, “What are you doing?”

Gabriel eased over to the collection of toys and picked up the gag, not commenting on it but watching his brother carefully.

“Preparing,” Lucifer said in a monotone. He easily slid his wrist out of Sam’s grasp and hefted the cuffs to the pull up bar. He knew from experience that he should put the spreader bar on first, so he slid that to in front of him and slid an ankle into it gracefully, locking it in tighter than Sam would’ve even dared. 

“Preparing for what?” Sam asked as he automatically knelt down and loosened the ankle cuff. He stopped after he was finished, confused at himself but he shook it off so he could concentrate on finding out what was going on. He placed his hands on Lucifer’s hips and looked up at his mate, “What’s going on?”

Lucifer leaned back over and tightened the ankle cuff before sliding in the second one in and tightening that one too tight, “Penance,” he said simply. He looked over at Gabriel and made a gesture for the gag in his hands. 

Gabriel raised his eyebrow and closed his hand around the gag, keeping it from Lucifer, “Penance,” he said softly, “Are you about to ask for what I think you are?”

“Hand me the gag, Gabriel,” Lucifer insisted, not directly answering his brother. 

“Not until you tell us why you’re pulling out the hardcore toys,” Sam stood and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Internal affairs matter dealing with the security breach recently and soul collections,” Lucifer said gruffly, “Now may I please have my gag?” 

Sam’s eyes flinch fractionally before he broke away from Lucifer and stalked past Gabriel, “Gag him.” 

Gabriel gaped at Sam as the human peeled off his t-shirt and pulled his long hair back into a ponytail at the base of his neck, “You can’t be seriously considering whipping him.” 

Lucifer snatched the gag out of Gabriel’s hands, gracefully for someone with their legs cuffed apart and he threaded it tightly around his face. He slid the blindfold onto his face and then, picking up the dropped whip, he maneuvered himself into the cuffs and locked them with his Grace. Already, he was starting to feel better. 

Sam steeled his expression and turned towards Lucifer but Gabriel stopped him with a gentle hand on his arm, “Sam, you can’t,” he murmured, “Not like this.” 

Leaning down he kissed Gabriel on the cheek and paused there, “Do you trust me, Gabriel?”

Gabriel nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t watch his brother be beat but he did trust Sam. More than he’d ever trusted a human in his entire existence. 

Sam took a deep breath and stepped around Gabriel. Taking the whip from Lucifer’s hands, he ran it over his hands as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn’t want to do this, he never wanted to do this, It felt cold and impersonal, leaving him feeling nauseous, but when he saw Lucifer hanging there he knew that this was the only way this time to get through to the stubborn, prideful angel. Clearing his throat, he circled around Lucifer and dropped his whip wielding hand to his side, “They say a penitent man kneels before God, Am I your God, Lucifer?” His voice sounded hard and cold as he spoke.

Lucifer nodded, internally rolling his eyes,  _ Please just get to making me bleed already, Sam, you can ask petty questions later _ _ , _ he thought to himself.

Sam reached up and tugged Lucifer’s hair hard, pulling his head back, “I’m not God, I am not your father, I will not give you absolution,” Sam squeezed his eyes shut and shoved Lucifer’s head away, “But I will give you pain.” Raising his arm high in the air, he swung the cat o’ nine tails. The individual strands landing against Lucifer’s skin with a loud slap of leather to skin, instantly leaving welts,   

Gabriel covered his mouth as tears welled up in his eyes. 

Lucifer gave a cry of pain and arched his back away from it slightly, the sound muffled by the gag.

A tear fell down Sam’s cheek as he struck him once more, “Is this what you wanted, Lucifer? For me to beat the hellfire out of you?” 

Lucifer gave another cry and nodded,  _ Only about forty-eight more to go, _ he thought. 

Sam hung his head, letting the whip go limp in his hand. Reaching out the blindfold off of Lucifer’s head and circled around him to face him. His face wet with tears that refused to stop falling, “I’m not your executioner,” he choked out and dropped the whip to the floor, “Do you hear me, Heylel?”

Lucifer looked at Sam with tearful blue eyes, begging him to continue, to help cleanse him, He needed this, couldn’t Sam see that?

Sam unbuckled the gag and pulled it from Lucifer’s mouth, dropping it beside the whip, “Now that you’ve scared me and Gabriel, Talk to us, Why?”

“Sam, please,” Lucifer whispered, “Please... continue... I’ll tell you why after just… please.”

“No,” Sam growled, “You tell me now.”

“Sam, please!” Lucifer’s voice was getting distressed as he coughed out a sob. 

Sam cupped his hands on either side of Lucifer’s face, holding him steady, “Tell me why and I’ll give you what you need.”

“Don’t deserve your way, not yet,” Lucifer whimpered, closing his eyes.

Taking a shuddering breath, Sam leaned his forehead against Lucifer’s, “You’ll break me with yours.”

“Then let me do it,” Lucifer whispered, It’d been awhile since he’s done it on his own, but it’d work. 

Gabriel found his voice, but it came out rough and sounding like he’d been screaming even though he hadn’t uttered a sound, “Not long ago you asked us, begged us, to not let you hurt yourself.” He stepped forward and ran a hand down Lucifer’s back, his fingers touching feather light over the welts. 

“I just need forty eight more,” Lucifer whined, “That’s all I need, Please _. _ ” 

“Why, Heylel? Why forty eight?” Gabriel murmured, “Why with a lash?”

“Fifty lashes in total,” Lucifer panted, “One for each angel I killed before Michael threw me out of Heaven.”

“Father help you,” Gabriel shuddered as he wrapped his arms around his brother’s chest. 

Sam took a step back and scrubbed the tears from his cheeks, “Will it bring them back?”

“It’s a reminder, nothing more,” Lucifer whispered, “I did the same thing after Elysium Fields, but added on a few more.”

Sam thought for a moment, his eyes landing on the whip, “And how many do I deserve?”

“None,” The answer was immediate. 

“If you deserve one for each angel you’ve killed, then I deserve 15. And another 30 or so for each demon I killed without a thought for the vessel they inhabited,” Sam said morosely and looked up at Lucifer through his lashes, “Would you whip me the way you’re asking for?”

“No, Because you don’t deserve any, Yours was done out of survival and self-preservation, not spite and hatred.” 

“Are you sure about that?” Sam asked, thinking back to when he was riding high on demon blood and killing demons for nearly the pleasure of being able to, “You don’t deserve this, Luc’ and we don’t deserve to be asked to do it.”

Lucifer hung his head, but didn’t say anything. “Please,” he said, but not anywhere as insistently as before. 

“Father forgave you. I forgave you. Dean forgave you and so did Cas,” Gabriel spoke quietly as he released his hold on Lucifer and went to stand beside Sam, his fingers tangling with the hunter’s, “Sam forgave you, even after everything. You don’t deserve this and neither does he.”

Lucifer sniffled and hung limply in his chains, tears falling from his cheeks onto the floor. 

Sam released Lucifer’s wrists from the cuffs and caught him to keep him from falling, “I love you, Lucifer, I love you too much to let you do this.” 

Lucifer fell onto Sam, weeping as he did so. 

Gabriel snapped, releasing the rest of the restraints and sending them and the toy box back into the closet. 

Sam swayed slightly, petting Lucifer’s hair while murmuring “I love you” repeatedly into his hair. 

Lucifer cried into Sam’s shoulder, letting his mate soothe him, even if that meant he couldn’t hold his own body weight. He clung to Sam with all he had. 

Sinking down to the floor, Sam gathered Lucifer into his lap and took long controlled breaths. Thoroughly relieved that they’d talked him out of being flogged within an inch of his life. 

Lucifer finally slowed his tears down, Batting his eyes rapidly, he looked up at his mate, hiccuping from the crying he had been doing. 

Not wanting to move from his mate’s sides, Gabriel snapped up a glass of water instead of getting up for it like he’d usually do and held it to Lucifer’s lips, “Take a sip, Luci,” he instructed softly. 

Lucifer took a few sips, slowly so he didn’t choke. His face was round and soft, almost needy looking in appearance. Done with the drinking, he leaned against Sam, picking up his hand and playing with his fingers. 

“Do you want to talk about what is really bothering you?” Sam asked softly. 

Lucifer didn’t speak for a long while, “I had to discipline someone today,” He finally said softly, “Crossroads demon who was an incompetent brat and made a massive security breach that took weeks, if not months to fix. Also, because of him, soul collections dropped drastically. I disciplined him in other ways prior to today until finally I decided only torture was going to get through to him; and so… ” he drew in a deep breath and let it out, “I did, And when I was done, drenched in blood and hearing him scream, asking for forgiveness. I couldn’t help but think about Mary. If she knew her Mommy tortured people. If she knew that sometimes, Mommy relishes in slicing into someone and making them scream and beg for mercy, only to not show them any. How she’d feel if she saw Mommy covered in blood from a day’s work in Hell. Something inside me snapped. And I felt so guilty, so dirty. And I couldn’t help but remember... why I had started doing it in the first place. Because the same thing essentially happened. Gabriel was gone when I Fell, but after a couple weeks in the Cage, I had thought what if Gabriel saw me _?  _ Or worse, Castiel?” He fell silent again, curled in a ball in Sam’s lap, face buried in his knees.

Sam was quiet and still as he held his mate, a cheek resting against the back of his head. He didn’t know what to say to make Lucifer feel better. There was a distinct possibility that Mary would one day learn about Lucifer, about all of them. They’d all done something in the past that they’d rather forget about. He often wondered how he’d explain it to her.

Gabriel wiped an errant tear from the corner of his eye as he sniffled, “Lucifer, you can’t change who you are. Those of us who love you know that Hell isn’t all that you are. As for Mary, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around his bent knees, “Honestly, I don’t want you to change.”

Lucifer raised his head up slightly and looked at his brother, “You wouldn’t like it if I changed the fact that I occasionally like torturing someone?” he asked quietly, “The panic attacks, the sensory overloads? The fact that sometimes I get so overwhelmed with guilt I feel like the only way to feel good is to have someone or myself take a whip to my back?” 

“I didn’t say I don’t want you to get better. To learn how to manage all that,” Gabriel glanced up at his brother with a look of sadness he hadn’t had since the Fall and subsequent wars, “Your difficulties aren’t who you are, just a symptom of millennia of solitude and suffering.”

Lucifer nodded softly and sniffled, “Alright.” He rubbed his eyes and looked at them, “I don’t deserve you two as mates, You’re too good to me.” 

Sam had gone oddly quiet, settling for dropping his head down to Lucifer’s shoulder and listening to them talk while his own mind swirled around thoughts. How to explain their lives to Mary and the self loathing that came along with what he’d done to Lucifer, even if it was to prove a point and get him to listen for five seconds. 

“I swear, Luci. I’m going to tattoo ‘I am worthy’ on your forehead so you can see it every morning when you brush your teeth,” Gabriel said with a wry chuckle, his eyes sliding to Sam every so often as he waited for the human to say something. He usually was the one talking Lucifer down off the proverbial ledge.

Lucifer shrugged, “I’m just saying. You guys take care of me more than I take care of you,” He sighed, “I’m sorry, Just... going through the rough stuff in my head. That’s all.” 

“We know,” Gabriel said as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his brother’s forehead, “Why don’t you go crawl in the shower? It’ll make you feel better.”

Lucifer shook his head, “Don’t want to leave you guys right now. I... I don’t trust myself alone.”

“Okay, then why don’t we go clean you up? You’ve some stuff on your face and Mary is going to be back soon,” Gabriel stood and held out his hand, wiggling his fingers at Lucifer. 

Lucifer turned and looked at Sam, “Sam?” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” He wrapped himself around Sam and nuzzled into his neck. 

“It’s okay, Luc’,” Sam murmured back despondently and kissed Lucifer’s cheek. Pulling back, he stroked a hand over Lucifer’s hair before moving out of his hold. Standing, Sam pulled his hair out of the pony tail he was sporting and picked up his discarded shirt.

Lucifer looked up at Sam, feeling lost at the moment and not sure what to do.

“Sam?” Gabriel watched the human with a touch of worry. 

Sam tugged the shirt over his head, “I know why you did it, Luc’, And I don’t hold it against you. We all hurt sometimes on a level so deep it feels like we’ll never see the light. But I need… I need some time to process what happened tonight. My reaction, yours. Everything.” 

Lucifer nodded and turned away from Sam, burying his head in his knees, “Alright.”

Sighing inwardly, Gabriel reached down and hooked his hand around Lucifer’s elbow, “Come on, Heylel. Let’s go get a shower and let Sam think.” 

Lucifer looked up at Gabriel and sighed tiredly, “Okay.”

Gabriel stooped down and scooped Lucifer up into his arms and carried him off to the bathroom, shutting the door softly behind them, “You and Mary. Stubborn as all get out when you don’t want a bath.”

“Yeah, and then when you get us in the bath, we don’t want to get out,” Lucifer sighed, “Do you think Sam will be okay?”

“Ultimately. Yes. You know how he bottles things in,” Gabriel sat Lucifer on the vanity counter and started working the buttons of his brother’s shirt open, “When was the last time you saw him cry?”

“It’s been a few weeks,” Lucifer mumbled. 

“Exactly. And he takes it to heart when either of us are hurting,” Gabriel tugged Lucifer’s shirt off and tossed it to the floor. Turning, he started the water for the tub making sure it was hot enough to sooth and not go cold too quickly. As the tub filled Gabriel huffed out a laugh, “It’s kind of funny actually. We watched the the birth of this world, fought wars, saw the rise and fall of countless civilizations but it’s Sam, a little mite of a human who feels the need to soothe our hurts,” Gabriel turned and shot a crooked smile at his brother, “And we welcome it...crave it.”

Lucifer nodded and kicked his feet as he looked down at them. 

Gabriel crossed over to his brother and tilted Lucifer’s head up to look at him, “Not that we don’t deserve it, but he deserves some boo-boo kissing too, especially when it’s our wounds that have injured him. Does that make sense?”

“I try, but he won’t let me,” Lucifer whispered, “I dunno. I feel like he’s tired of dealing with my problems all the time. And I don’t blame him. I’m more of a handful than Mary some days and my insecurities line up so well with his.”

Gabriel unclasped the button on Lucifer’s pants and lifted him from the vanity so he could stand. Shrugging, Gabriel paid more attention to what his hands were doing than looking his brother in the eye, “I think he feels helpless in all this and it is overwhelming and exhausting when you don’t know how to help someone you love, Then they come and ask to be beat and abused.” His hands pause for a moment when Gabriel realizes how much he just revealed about his own thoughts and feelings than he intended, but swallowing it down, he finished removing the rest of Lucifer’s clothes and turned off the tub’s faucet. 

Lucifer nodded and scuffed his foot across the tile, “Yeah,” he said in a quiet voice. 

“It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you any less. That I love you any less.” Gabriel shed his own clothing and slipped into the hot water with a subtle hiss. Once acclimated to the water he held his arms open in invitation, “It means he needs time to find his own balance again.”

Lucifer shuffled over to the bath and gently slid in, hissing as the water hit his welts, “Oh ouch,” he grumbled, “That’s not a pleasant feeling.”

“I don’t imagine it is. Sam is heavy handed at the best of times,” Gabriel picked up the sponge and paused when he heard the bedroom door shut. Sam must have left the room because Gabriel didn’t hear Mary Rose coming in. He dipped the sponge in the water and gently poured it over Lucifer’s chest. 

“It’s better than what I would’ve done,” Lucifer said, his body relaxing, “Self flagellation is an unfortunate talent of mine.” 

Gabriel kissed the soft spot behind Lucifer’s ear and whispered, “You should try refocusing that talent to self fellatiation. It’d be more fun as long as you don’t fall off the couch doing it.”

“Who says I can’t do that?” Lucifer chuckled, “I just don’t showcase it because it burns in my thighs. My vessel is not a young man.” 

“You’ll have to show me someday. You can start and I’ll finish for you,” Gabriel added soap to the sponge, the watermelon scented kind that he preferred if for no other reason than it was within reach, “For the record, I like your vessel.”

“I know,” Lucifer sighed and  relaxed a little bit. 

.oOo.

Sam waited until he heard the bathroom door click shut before heading to the kitchen. Sinking into one of the chairs, he let his head drop into his hands as he fought his own inner demons. He tried not to listen to the self depreciating thoughts running through his mind but it was so hard when he kept seeing the spot where Lucifer had hung. 

A short time later, Dean came in through the back halls that lead to the garage with an boisterous Mary Rose leading the way, “Can I gets ‘cumbers on my burger?” she asked her uncle. She’d developed a love for cucumbers and had taken to asking for them with everything. 

“Rosemary, who puts cucumbers on burgers?” Dean asked as he made a disgusted face, “Unless you’re talking about pickles. They’re cucumbers but with flavor added.”

“An’ relish,” She hopped up and down while clapping her hands. 

“Pickles and relish,” Dean clarified with a chuckle, “If you want it I’ll make you a burger with both. But no cucumbers. That’s just...you don’t put that on burgers.” 

“Yes!” she hissed in delight right before she caught sight of her daddy sitting alone in the kitchen. She ran up to him and tugged on his pant leg, “Daddy, Unca Dean making me a ‘cumber burger.” 

Sam picked Mary up hugging her close, “Oh really?” he asked her tiredly.  

“Yes,” She nodded and looked up at her father with a grin, “An’ mousterd,”

“Mustard, Rosemary.” Dean corrected her as he tilted his head in curiosity at his brother while unloading the bags of groceries he carried in,  “Sammy, everything okay?” 

Sam shrugged. He honestly didn’t know, “Did you have fun with Uncle Dean?” he asked his daughter. 

“Yeah. We wen’ shoppin’ and fed duckies in the park,” Mary Rose put her hands on either side of Sam’s face, “Are yous sad, Daddy?”

“A little bit, honey. But it’s okay,” Sam said and kissed her brow, “Daddy will be fine. I promise.” 

“Don’ be sad. I draw yous a picture, den you won’ be sads.” She tried to squirm of Sam’s lap so that she could go search for her crayons. 

Sam chuckled and let her down off of his lap. “Alright, Go draw me a pretty picture,” he said, kissing her hair. 

Once Mary had run out of the room, Dean sat down with a beer for each of them, “What happened?”

Sam sighed, “Lucifer had a rough day in Hell,” he admitted, “Really rough. Made him question his decisions, think about Mary. So he came home... and strung himself up and asked me and Gabriel to beat him,”  A lump got caught in his throat as he thought back on the incident, “For penance. All he did was torture an insubordinate demon and he used torture as a last resort.”

“You’re shitting me?” Dean lowered his beer without taking a drink, “Like serious beating or just a spanking?”

“I’m talking about one of us giving him fifty lashes kind of beating,” Sam said as he rubbed his fist over his eyes.

Dean’s eyebrows raised even higher, “So what did you do?” 

Sam looked away from his older brother, “I gave him a couple before telling him I wouldn’t do it. And he broke down. Said he needed it. I told him I’d give him what he’d need but he said he didn’t deserve my way. He was begging for it, more than I’ve ever seen him beg before. He even said if me or Gabe wouldn’t do it, he’d do it himself.”

“Dammit, Sammy,” Dean groaned and dropped his head to his hand and massaged his own brow, “I know you three get up to some...” he peeked towards the door to make sure young ears weren’t listening before continuing, “Kinky shit. But this...did you really intend to do all fifty?”

“No,” Sam said, shaking his head, “I was going to do five, but I couldn’t even do two. I didn’t know what number he had set on until he asked for forty-eight more. And yeah, we get kinky, but Lucifer doesn’t ask for whippings or anything. Spankings, sure, and I know he likes a bit of pain, but this is even too much for him to properly enjoy it. He wanted to be punished.”

“And you're beating yourself up instead,” Dean shook his head and finally took a sip of his beer, “Ever considered couples counselling? Do they do trios?”

“Maybe, and if I could get Lucifer into a psychiatrist I would. The needing to be whipped stems from feelings in the Cage, he said that. Apparently it was a routine thing. Hasn’t happened since he attempted to kill Gabriel in the Elysium Fields Hotel,” Sam sighed, “Isolation and sensory deprivation do strange things, Dean, and Lucifer’s upset by it. His thing with today was what if Mary? What if Mary had seen him do this?”

“That would require her to go to Hell and I’ll be damned again if that ever happens,” Dean took a deep breath and stared at the table top, “Where is Ol’ Scratch now?”

“Last I knew, in a bath with Gabriel,” Sam said, “I just needed some time to think before I could properly help him. He’s calmed down, but a bit more subdued than I’d prefer, and he’s cycling through old self-deprecation,” He scratched at the table top, “Maybe you can help him. He seems to listen to you.” 

“I can try, but what about you?” Dean lowered his voice as if he didn’t want to be heard, “Who holds your hand?”

Sam sighed, “I’ll be okay, I don’t like to be upset around Lucifer. I mean, the last time Gabriel and I got into a fight, he ended up having one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever seen him have. Now we’re more mindful around Lucifer,” He shook his head, “I just don’t like the fact Lucifer takes everything to heart and tries to accept it as his own pain,”

Dean nodded along as he listened and when Sam had finished, he laid his hand on Sam’s forearm, “I know we don’t bunk together like we used to when you guys first made that nest, but if it gets to be more than you can handle my door is just down the hall. You’re my little brother and I’m there for you if you need it.”

Sam nodded, “Thanks, That means a lot.”

Clapping him on the shoulder, Dean stood from the table taking his beer with him, “Now go hang with Rosemary. It’s amazing what the little sparkplug can do for your mood. I think Cas actually called her a ‘tonic for the soul’ once.”

Sam nodded and also stood up, “That sounds like a good idea.” He left his beer on the table, unopened, and made his way to his daughter’s room. 

Sighing, Dean scrubbed his hand through his hair and left the kitchen in search of his brother’s other halves. Reaching their bedroom, he knocks on the door, “Yo. Charlie’s angels. Open up.” 

Lucifer groaned, “Just come in, Dean!” he called, shifting slightly on his stomach to be in a more comfortable position to read while Gabriel smeared ointment on each welt.  

Dean opened the door and shut it behind him. He took one look at Lucifer’s back and let out a low whistle, “Remind me never to get on Sammy’s bad side,”

Gabriel rolled his eyes, “You have been,”

Lucifer also rolled his eyes, “Please, this is nothing, I’ve had worse spankings from him that I  _ asked  _ for- GABRIEL THAT TICKLES!” He squirmed and batted at his brother’s hand

Dean walked over to the bed to get a closer look, “I still don’t understand why you two don’t heal yourselves like most angels, but I didn’t come here to talk about metaphysics.”

Gabriel smacked back at Lucifer’s flailing hands and started working again, “Then why are you here?” he asked sliding his eyes over to the hunter, “Can’t be to get a peek at us half naked.”

“No, I came to talk to Lucifer. Alone.” He gave Gabriel a pointed look, silently asking him to not fight him about it. 

The archangel stared at Dean for a moment thinking it over. Sam probably sent Dean to talk and if helped pull Lucifer from his sulky mood then he was all for it. Leaning down, Gabriel kissed Lucifer on the cheek, “I’m going to check on Sam and give Gumdrop some sugar.” 

“Not too much, it’s getting close to dinner time,” Lucifer warned, kissing his brother’s cheek back as he slowly sat up. 

“Got it. Limit the candy and give her kisses instead,” Gabriel chuckled as he got up from the bed and left the room, sparing Dean a glance before shutting the door. 

“So. Heard you had a rough day,” Dean started as he pulled the chair from the desk and brought it to the side of the bed, “Then tried to have it beat out of you.”

“There’s the understatement of the millennia,” Lucifer sighed as he stretched, wincing slightly, “It was going fine, for a visit to Hell that is, until after I was done with today’s work. Then it started to spiral out of control in my head and I went on autopilot.”

“I think Hell has that effect,” Dean leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, “When I first came back, I was terrified of everything. Wouldn’t show it, but I had a hard time with a lot of things. Kept thinking things like you were. What would Sammy think if he knew? Would he kill me like the monsters we hunted? It was ridiculous in the end. He had the opposite reaction, but before he knew there were days that I’d stare at my gun and wonder if I could go through with it. Want to know what stopped me from pulling the trigger?”

Lucifer shrugged and nodded, picking at a thread in his sweatpants, “Sure,”

“I didn’t want to be damned again,” Dean answered bluntly, “I had no doubt that Sam could get on without me but the thought of being back on the rack was terrifying. But you know something, in order for Mary to even get a hint of what happens down there she’d have to be there and I’d gladly strap myself to the rack before that happens. So the chance of her seeing you at work is nil. Unless you have a ‘bring your daughter to work’ day.”

Lucifer gave a small smile, “I’m keeping my family out of Hell,” he said, “I know it’s irrational of me to think that, but, I’ll be honest, it’s not the first time I’ve had similar thoughts. The thoughts that started this all off in the first place.”

“You just gotta remember she isn’t going to see you down there,” Dean took a long shuddery breath. It’d been nearly eight years and he still didn’t like talking about his time in Hell unless he had too and this was one of those ‘had to’ moments. “We all have things we never want Rosemary to know. Sam doesn’t want her to know about Ruby and his addictions. I don’t ever want her to know half of what I’ve done. Cas and Leviathans. Gabe and... not sure what Gabe wouldn’t want on show an’ tell. Point is, we want to be better people for her. Unfortunately you’re stuck being in charge of the pit.”

Lucifer sighed and nodded. “Unfortunately,” he agreed ruefully, “I don’t even know why it hit me just now. I’ve tortured a couple dozen souls since we got her, didn’t feel too bad about it. Just… something about this one made me snap.”

“Why don’t you delegate to Crowley? He gets off on crap like that,” Dean asked as he leaned back in his chair, “It’d give you more time up here, Let him take care of the day to day and only involve you when it was serious.”

“Crowley’s in charge most of the time, but I have to make regular appearances,” Lucifer sighed, “I’m seriously considering renegotiating that part of my contract with my Father. It’s not helping me get better- in fact, I think I’ve been getting worse. And that scares me.”

“You gotta do something, Luci’,” Dean folded his arms across his chest but kept an open, understanding expression on his face, “The panic attacks, the outbursts, begging for flogging. What are you going to do when your need for punishment escalates to actual torture? Are you going to put a blade in your husbands’ hands and ask them to carve you up or would you turn to me for that?”

“If I had the choice,” Lucifer said slowly, “I wouldn’t ask that of any of you. I didn’t exactly ask for Sam to do it. I was going to do it by myself. I would’ve done it myself if Sam hadn’t taken over. That was more or less Sam’s choice, and when Sam said he couldn’t continue. I said I could finish it. It’s either that or I make a trip downstairs and get someone to do it for me.”

“It’s no different than when I found you in the bathroom, isn’t it? But instead of cutting you’re flogging now,” Dean sighed and looked toward the ceiling, “It’s not what you do in Hell that you should be scared of Mary seeing. It’s what you're doing to deal with it. Sam was right, if you were human we’d get you set up with a psychiatrist, but you're not human. You have a big decision to make, Luci. Either find a way to get help, whether it’s abdicating your throne in hell and learning healthier ways for dealing with your issues or keep going the way you are and risk Mary seeing you in full panic mode and driving your mates away.”

Lucifer sighed sadly and nodded, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face into his knees to hide his tears. He knew what decision he had to make, but he was scared. His throne in Hell had been all he had ever really known. The pain. The anger. The suffering. He also knew that it was a part of his deal for redemption with his Father, to keep ruling Hell. But he had his husbands, and his daughter. Wasn’t that enough to keep going down on the path to redemption?

Dean moved from his chair to the bed and put his arm around Lucifer’s shoulder, being mindful of the marks littering his back, “I’m sorry if I upset you, Luci, I just want you to be well and happy. You have a wonderful family and I don’t want to see you lose them over this.” 

Lucifer sniffled and nodded, leaning his body into Dean’s, “I’m scared, and I’m tired,” he admitted quietly, “Tired of moving two steps forward and ten steps back. Tired of never knowing if today’s going to be a good day or a bad day. Tired of panicking every time Sam and Gabe leave and thinking the worse. Tired of having to be the bad guy once a month because that’s what I’ve always done. I’m just tired _ ,  _ Dean, of never feeling okay, or like I don’t deserve this second chance. I just want to be normal. No panic attacks. No sensory overloads. No needing to torture someone until they beg for mercy then not bestowing on them and smiling happily at that thought.”

“So what are you going to do about it, old man?” Dean asked with a slightly challenging note to his voice.

“I’m gonna break your ballsack, Winchester,” Lucifer muttered with no real heat to his voice. 

Dean laughed, “If you want to touch them all you have to do is ask.”

“Gross! Don’t know where they’ve been,” Lucifer smiled, “I’m going to sleep and cuddle with my mates. I’m going to play with my daughter and tuck her in. I’m going to eat food. And tomorrow, I’m telling my Father I’m quitting Hell. Tell him he can find a new Devil. Crowley would be a good choice. I’m going to ask you and Cas to babysit for a week so my husbands and I can go up to our cabin and reconnect. I’m going to set goals for myself, and not beat myself up when I don’t meet these goals right away.”

“That sounds like a good plan, but can I still call you Ol’ Scratch?” Dean nudged Lucifer and smiled. 

“I’d be highly disappointed if you didn’t,” Lucifer chuckled. 

Dean gave the Devil’s shoulder a squeeze and swiveled around to get out of the bed, “Now go find Sammy. Kiss him better while I go make Mary a cucumber burger,” he shuddered at the last thought, “She’s serious about this cucumber thing. It’s gross.”

Lucifer laughed, “It can’t be any worse than Sam’s marshmallow nachos,” He said, standing up and smiling at Dean, “Extra bacon on my burger, please?”

“Bacon. Got it.” Dean opened the bedroom door and held it open for Lucifer, “You really should heal that back of yours. There’s no reason to suffer and remind everyone about what happened.” 

Lucifer nodded. With a thought and a snap, his back was healed and he tugged a shirt over his head before padding down the hallway to his daughter’s room, where Sam and Gabriel were. He leaned up against the doorframe and smiled as he watched his family, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere and not wanting to disturb them just yet. 

“Papa, can I has yellow?” Mary asked as she held out her hand for the crayon Gabriel was using, but her eyes caught movement by her door. Seeing Lucifer there she jumped up and ran to him, throwing her arms around his legs, “Hi Mommy, Daddy is sad so I’m drawing pi’tures so he not sad.” 

Sam looked up from where he was coloring very neatly in one of her many coloring books but he didn’t say anything. 

Lucifer chuckled and kissed his daughter’s hair, “That’s very nice of you, Princess,” he said happily, “Would you mind if I borrowed Daddy for a moment? I’d like to tell him something. Maybe I can make Daddy not sad too.” 

“Okay,” Mary chirped, “Papa has my color. Gotta get ‘em back.”

“Of course,” Lucifer hummed, “Sam? A word?”

Sam nodded and laid the coloring book on Mary’s bed before following Lucifer into the hall while Mary ran to Gabriel and they started to wrestle for the coveted yellow crayon. Her plaintive cries were swallowed up by Sam shutting her door. 

“How are you feeling, Luc’?” Sam asked quietly. 

Lucifer smiled and leaned up to place a gentle kiss on his lips, “I have an early anniversary present for you,” he whispered. 

Sam let out a breath along with a weak smile, “I’m too tired for sex tonight. Can we have anniversary nooky later?”

“Oh Sammy,” Lucifer chuckled, shaking his head, “This is better than sex.” He took a deep breath, letting it out and looked at Sam straight in the eyes, “Tomorrow, I’m telling Father that I’m abdicating to Crowley. Permanently. No more Hell for me. I don’t want to be associated with it any longer; all it’s doing is hurting me and my family and the progress I’ve made. Tonight’s my last night as the King of Hell.”

Sam blinked owlishly at him for a moment before sweeping him up in a hug that pulled the angel from his feet. A smile stretching across his face, “That’s some of the best news I’ve heard this year,” he laughed as he spun them around.

Lucifer laughed and wrapped his arms around the hunter, “I’m going to ask my Father to reinstate me as the Head Angel of Music and get back to singing adorations and teaching a new generation of choir members,” he added, “And I’ve already talked to Dean about taking Mary for a week so we can go up to our cabin and reconnect. All three of us.” He took a deep breath, resting his forehead against Sam’s,“It’s not going to be easy, but I think not going down to Hell and all is going to vastly improve my mental health. I’m still probably going to panic and get anxious and maybe even ask for another round at the whipping post; depending on how I get but I know I can beat this. With help, yes, but sometimes the best help is yourself,” He placed a strong hand on Sam’s heart, “Also, feel my back.” 

Sam instantly sat his back down and pulled his hands away like he’d been burned, his smile disappearing to be replaced with regret, “Oh god, I’m sorry Luc’. I forgot. Did I hurt you?” 

Lucifer laughed and kissed Sam sweetly, “No, because right before I left our room I healed myself. No point in reminding anyone, least of all us of what had transpired. New beginnings. For both of us,” He smiled warmly, “Besides... had I not been in a state of panic and needing penance? I’d have liked that. Felt good. But I prefer your hand coming down on my ass and making me cry yellow over you beating me with the whip I made in the Cage.”

Sam cupped the sides of Lucifer’s face and kissed him, “I can live with that,” he breathed out before kissing Lucifer again, this time slower and savoring the feel of their lips pressed together. 

Neither one of them hearing Mary’s door opening until the small voice of their daughter sounded out, “Eeewwwww, Papa… Mommy and Daddy’s kissin’.” 

Gabriel quickly stepped to the door and peeked out, “Oh eww. They’re being mushy, aren’t they. How icky.” he said with a chuckle and scooped Mary Rose up, “Should I break them up?” 

Lucifer laughed breathlessly against Sam’s lips and slowly drew back to look at his other mate and daughter, “Mushy indeed. Much celebration to be had,” He looked at Gabriel and beamed before humming in Enochian,  **“Guess who’s giving up their throne down under?”**

Gabriel’s eyes go wide, “No… Really?! You’re not just pulling my leg?” 

“Happy early anniversary,” Lucifer hummed, “Going to Father tomorrow and telling him no more.”

Not caring if he was still holding Mary, Gabriel rushed to his brother, tangled his hand in his shirt and kissed him. Mary giggled and pushed at Lucifer’s shoulder, “No kissing Mommy.”

Lucifer chuckled against Gabriel’s lips and smiled before drawing away to kiss Mary’s forehead, “What? No one’s allowed to kiss Mommy?” he teased. 

“No!” Mary crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her bottom lip, clearly put out that anyone was taking attention away from her.

Lucifer chuckled and kissed her nose, “Shh... do you smell that?” He cocked his head to the side and sniffed before giving a soft gasp, “That smells like your cucumber burger! I think Uncle Dean’s done cooking it!”

Mary Rose’s expression changed and she started wiggling in Gabriel’s arms, “Down… down,” she chanted until Gabriel set her down. As soon as her feet touch the floor she was running for the kitchen, “ ‘Cumbers, Unca Dean. Wan’ ‘cumbers on my burgers,” she called out the entire way. 

Gabriel shook his head and straightened up, “Cucumbers. Of all the things.” 

“Cucumbers are good,” Sam added as he kissed Gabriel’s cheek, “You should try them.” 

“Not even if you smother them in chocolate,” Gabriel cringed before turning his attention back to Lucifer, “Do you mean it?”

“Every last word of it. I can’t keep getting better if I have to head down once a month and give into my dark side, especially if this is how I’m going to react. So I’m telling Father tomorrow Crowley’s the new King of Hell permanently and I’m asking for my old job as Head Angel of Music back,” Lucifer smiled, “I think I’m much more suited for music than torture anyways.” 

Gabriel smirked as he scratched his cheek, “Unless it’s that experimental sound you played with back in the day. Sounded like two pterodactyls in heat.”

Lucifer laughed, “No more pterodactyls in heat,” He promised, “Adorations and hymns only.” 

Dean poked his head into the hall, “Can one of you three come wrangle Rosemary. She’s won’t stay away from the stove and I’ve told her twice.”

Lucifer looked at his mates, “Who wants it?” he asked, “Wait. Dean, who’s manning the stove and Mary if you’re not there?”

There came a scream from the kitchen followed by the clatter of aluminum hitting tile that pulls Dean back inside the kitchen with Sam hot on his heels. 

Lucifer chased after Sam, coming over to his daughter immediately and pulling her into his arms, “Are you okay, Princess?” 

She held out her hand that had a bright red burn on it from where she grabbed the hot pan from the stove, just as Gabriel came into the room. Fat tears rolling down her face as she cried in pain. 

Dean picked up the pan with a sigh and tossed it into the sink, “Burgers are ruined. Mary, what did I say about the stove?” he asked sternly. 

Lucifer rocked her and kissed her cheek. “That looks nasty, Princess,” he soothed, “Answer Uncle Dean. What did he say about the stove?”

“D-don’ touch,” she wailed as she buried her face in Lucifer’s collar. 

“And why don’t we touch the stove?” Lucifer asked gently, stroking her hair. 

“Ouuchieee,” She cried as she held up her hand. 

Gabriel helped Dean clean up as Sam got out the first aid kit, “Heal slow or fast?” Sam asked as he knelt beside Lucifer. 

Lucifer smiled and looked at Mary, “Did we learn not to touch the stove?” he asked patiently. 

Mary nodded as she started to hiccup from the tears, “Hot.” 

“Damn straight it’s hot,” Dean mumbled as he used the third handful of paper towel to mop up the hot grease, “She’s damn lucky this didn’t get on her.” 

“Not helping, Dean,” Sam admonished as he took hold of Mary’s hand and applied burn cream.

Lucifer kissed Mary’s forehead, “Sometimes, we have to get hurt in order to know that something’s not good,” he said gently, “Did Daddy ever tell you about the first time I tried to iron something?” 

“Father save us from your ironing skills,” Gabriel teased. 

Mary shook her head as she watched Sam bandage her hand. 

“Well, Mommy was trying to help out, and so I thought I’d iron Daddy Sam’s shirts. I didn’t realize how tired it made me, and Mommy’s back hurt. So I thought, heat helps with soreness. So, I used the hot, hot iron on my back. You know what happened?”

“Ouchie?” Mary asked with a whimper. 

“Yes, ouchie. Very big ouchie. Daddy found me crying on the floor,” Lucifer confessed, “But I didn’t know it was that hot, even though Daddy told me to be careful. I had to find out for myself.” 

Mary sniffled and peeked around Lucifer at her Uncle, “I sorry.”

Dean sighed and threw the paper towels in the trash, “It’s okay, sweetheart, Just listen to me when I tell you not to touch something, Okay? I’m not being mean. I’m trying to keep you from getting hurt.”

Mary nodded and curled up against Lucifer as Sam finished tying off the bandage.

Gabriel stood up and brushed off his hands, “I’m going to go get us pizza for dinner since burgers are dead. The usual toppings?”

Lucifer nodded and kissed Mary’s temple, “Why don’t you go finish coloring your pictures for Daddy and Papa, hmm?” he hummed. 

Nodding she got up from Lucifer’s lap and trudged her way back to her room, her usual bright energy subdued. 

Lucifer sighed, “She’ll be back to rights soon,” he said, standing up. 

“Sure she will. It’s a minor burn so she won’t even scar,” Sam cleaned up the first aid mess, “Especially if everyone remembers not to leave a three year old alone in the kitchen.”

Lucifer nodded before yawning, “Let me know when Gabriel gets the pizza. I’m going to take a nap, since my mate wouldn’t let me sleep in the tub.”

“Contrary to your beliefs, you are not a fish or a mermaid,” Sam said as Dean snorted out a laugh. 

“Who knows? Maybe that’s what Father will make me upon my retirement!” Lucifer laughed as he made his way to the nest to take a short nap.

**.oOo.**

Lucifer marched right up to his Father’s office in Heaven. “FATHER!” he called as he banged on the door with a fist

Chuck answered the door wearing a bathrobe over a pair of boxers at a t-shirt, looking confused at the shouting of his name, “Lucifer, what’s going on? You don’t beat on my door like this. Usually.”

Lucifer grabbed an envelope out of his back pocket and handed it to his Father, “Immediate resignation of my title and duties as King of Hell, requesting all powers and everything that comes with the throne be given to one Fergus MacLeod, now known as Crowley and a request to regain my title and duties as the Head Angel of Music here in Heaven. Details of why are in here.” 

Taking his glasses out of his pocket, he placed them on his face and took the envelope. Opening the letter he reads it carefully before looking up, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, “Took you long enough.” 

Lucifer narrowed his eyes, “Another one of your tests, Father?” he asked archly.

“Not a test. Free Will,” Chuck opened the door wider and invited the angel in with a sweep of his hand. 

“See, reason I didn’t do it before was because that was a part of my negotiation for redemption,” Lucifer pointed out, “You know how I’m bound by written contracts, and the one you drew up was very binding.”

“All contracts can be renegotiated. You know that too,” Chuck sat on the edge of his desk and plucked his glassed off, “Only a demon wouldn’t consider doing that. But you coming here, of your own free will, proved something. You’re not a demon. Never were. So here we are.”

“Here we are indeed. I take it you accept my resignation, effective once you sign along the dotted line?”

“You don’t need a contract, Lucifer,” Chuck tore the paper in half and tossed it on his desk, “Not to be a part of the Host again. But to answer your question, I accept your resignation, effective right now. Welcome home, Heylel.” 

Lucifer beamed and sighed happily, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now tell me about Mary Rose and how your family is doing,” Chuck smiled and motioned to the chair in front of him, “We have a lot of catching up to do.’

“Well, last night Mary Rose learned that stoves are hot and right now her favorite food is cucumbers,” Lucifer began babbling as he sank down into the chair.


End file.
